Once upon a time, I was a hardcore vampire purist. If the vampire in question didn't closely match Anne Rice's vision of the creature, I wasn't interested.
Thankfully, I got over it. These days, I'm up for any and all interpretations of the myth. Give me vampires, be they televised or in print, and I'm a happy girl indeed.
There’s one trope that consistently bugs me, though. Pick a franchise, any franchise, and you'll find at least one vampire who spends an ungodly amount of time wringing their hands and wailing about their lost humanity.
These vampires who’d rather not be vampires annoy me.
I mean, I sort of get it. Vampires are literal monsters who eat (er, drink) people, so becoming one requires a pretty major adjustment to your self-image. It’s probably hard to control your insane thirst around tasty human-types, too. It’d be like trying to make friends with the juiciest, most delectable bacon cheeseburger in all the land.
But y’see, I’m pretty sure I could be friends with a bacon cheeseburger, just so long as the bacon cheeseburger could talk. And vampirism’s many advantages could very well be enough to counteract the whole self-image issue.
That said, the whole thing depends an awful lot on what kind of vampire we’re talking about. There's a pretty big difference between the life of a bumpy-faced Buffy vamp, one of Anne Rice's virtually indestructible immortals, and Stephenie Meyer's sparkly undead family.
Therefore, I've decided to use SCIENCE to conduct a franchise-by-franchise evaluation of how much being a vampire sucks compared to how much it rocks.
Ain't no arguing with SCIENCE.
This is non-exhaustive, of course; I’m not familiar with every vampire story out there (though I’m working to remedy that). Please feel free to chime in on any vampires I’ve missed, or to add your own pros and cons to the lists below.